Who is God?

Before I try to define the One I cannot begin to truly comprehend this side of Heaven, I must admit who I am so you'll understand why it is I wish to write this blog. I am a middle aged Mom of three, wife of 28 years, now Grandma to one sweet little boy. I am a Christian and I love Jesus because I know He's the only One who really gets me. I was raised in a Christian home; my Dad was the choir director at that church for many years, my Mom a Sunday school teacher, VBS leader, Cherub Choir Director, leading Soprano in the adult choir, and the first woman ever to hold the position of "Deacon" in said church. In our house, we were taught to go to church every Sunday, wear the appropriately dressy clothes and shiny shoes, never cuss, be kind to others, pray every day at every meal and again before bed at night. My parents were kind, respectful of one another and us, and they loved Jesus. My Mom, in particular, was an example of a woman of God because every day when I'd come home from school, she'd be sitting at the kitchen table reading her Bible with home baked cookies or something equally wonderful to eat, She'd invite me to sit down with her, enjoy cookies, and tell her about my day. This was something I didn't even realize was unique to our home. I guess I just sort of thought most people lived this way.
When I got older, I began to get teased quite a bit about my "Beaver Cleaver" family and about how I just didn't belong in that family. My friends knew I liked to get into trouble a bit and that when I wasn't home, I cussed and did things that were contrary to the way I acted at home. At some point, I began to believe that I really didn't belong in this family and that I needed to set my own path...one that would scream out my independence from my parents, my family, my church, and everything that was "goody-goody."
I had a short lived period of time in Junior High when I wanted to live like a Christian girl, but honestly, I just found that there was no competing with the kind of fun that one could have when no rules were applied to life. I saw God only as a judge and jury and I only felt guilty. I also had my first heartbreak and it somehow closed me up emotionally and I never wanted to feel vulnerable again. And that combination proved too powerful and so I began High School.
Soon after 9th grade, I found vodka and pot. And they felt good. I don't want to linger on these things because I don't really want to "live here" for this post. But suffice it to say, this led to a downward spiral for me that led to addiction, exploration of all kinds of other drugs, sexual promiscuity, and eventually depression and suicidal desires. I'd walked with the devil and allowed him to set me up for years. I didn't know how to change who I was. Although I grew out of most of these behaviors,  I needed a breakthrough.
After marrying my husband we had two little girls. They were the light of my existence. Motherhood turned out to be the thing that drew me back to church. Churches offer something almost no one else does...Free daycare for hours at a time, Other Moms to talk to about everything, and Free coffee to drink to your heart's content. I found a group of young Moms, many like me who were young, inexperienced, loved their kids, but didn't really know how to incorporate all the parental love and good upbringing many of us had received as kids. But, as time went on, we began reading our Bibles together, praying together, talking on the phone to each other, sharing life with one another. It was amazing! I began to rely on God to help me quit bad habits that were not ok for me anymore as a Mom. There were friends who fell away and that was right. They weren't evil or even bad. We just simply had different agendas to life now. And mine was to be a good Mom.
Something I'd never really been privy to even though I went to church most of my life was the Holy Spirit. I knew the story of Pentecost and that the Disciples of Jesus had experienced something that was kind of crazy where they saw tongues of fire above one another's heads and each one spoke in different languages, wholly understood by the people they could not confer with previously because of their language barriers. Sadly, this was the only thing I understood of the Holy Spirit other than the Holy Spirit dwells inside of all believers. I didn't have any idea what that meant. And quite honestly, as I read the Bible on my own, I had no true understanding of what it was I was reading. The words were old, didn't always make sense, and sometimes I read things that just didn't seem to be loving or kind and that didn't seem right if, in fact, Jesus is love. I began to desire a deeper relationship with God and I prayed that He would open me up to a new understanding. But day after day, the same thing would happen. No clarity would come, no lights would pop up, I simply was doing the assigned study, hoping my friends would give me grace when my answers would be different from theirs at our next study group.
Then an amazing thing happened! I had a dream unlike any other I'd ever experienced. I knew somehow that this dream was a message from God that He wanted to depart to me. I knew it was important and that it might change me forever if only I could figure out what it meant...I prayed to God for enlightenment, but nothing. I asked Jesus to make things clear, and again, nothing. I cried, I prayed some more, and still nothing! So, I asked God to simply speak to me, lead me in obedience to Him, and something happened. I heard a voice inside my head that told me to kneel down. And I did. Let me just stop here and tell you that kneeling was NOT something I did. It scared me to do so. It felt awkward and a bit phony on my part. But, I really wanted to know what God wanted me to know. So, on my knees, I cried out to God again and asked Him to speak His truth to me. Again I heard a voice which said only "lower." I knew He meant that I should kneel down even lower so I put my face to the ground and again asked God to speak to me. He spoke and said "Even lower." I really thought that was crazy because the only thing lower was smack dab on my face, legs laid straight onto the floor and arms above my head also laid flat on the floor. But I did it. And I wept as I asked God to speak to me. But He was silent. Totally, completely, undeniably silent. I stayed like that for several moments, still just weeping and from the depths of my soul I cried out the words "I need You Holy Spirit! Please help me to understand and to know You!" And as soon as those words left my mouth, a strange thing began to occur. A language that I'd never heard before poured forth from my lips. It was beautiful and odd. It was Him! It was the Holy Spirit driving away the distance between my God and my self. It was a connection between angels, all of creation, Jesus, God the Father, the Holy Spirit, and little old me and we all agreed that God is loving, He is good, He is worthy of praise and honor, and in this very moment of time, He wanted to be with me and show me that He loves me, He hears me, and He answers the persistent prayers and petitions of His people. I knew within moments exactly what the dream meant, every little nuance of it and how it must be applied to the life I live here on earth. I knew in seconds that life would never be the same for me again and that this God, this Jesus, this Holy Spirit, they are real and they are exciting and relevant. My life has never been the same since that day.
So now, let me try, on this day, one day after the terrorist act upon a bar in Orlando, Florida, the massacre of at least 50 people (probably more) who identify themselves as members of the LBGTQ community, to explain my initial question...who is God? Because I heard our President make a comment today that I believe was meant to instill the idea that the God I love, Who loves me, Who looked at me when I wanted nothing to do with Him and said to a suicidal, drugged out nothing in society, that He loves me, as I was, just as much as He loves me today, somehow, isn't loving toward a community of people who identify themselves as LBGTQ. And I want to say that I am absolutely, 100% positive that that is an untrue statement! The God Who is King of the Jews is the same God Who is Jesus, is the same God Who is the Holy Spirit, left behind by Jesus Himself to draw us closer to His understanding and the revelation that God indeed loves ALL people. God loves you if you're divorced. God loves you if you're sexually immoral and sleep with anyone and everyone. God loves you if you've been married and faithful to your spouse for 50 years. God loves you if you're gay or lesbian or transgender.God loves you if you're full of spiritual pride that you don't deserve. God loves you if you give money to feed the hungry or if you give only to selfish desires. God loves you if you are a drug addict or alcoholic. God loves you if you hate Him. God loves you if you are a terrorist who's intent upon killing anyone who does not ascribe to a hateful ideology under a false god. God cannot not love you. It's Who He is. He created love! And He doesn't require you do anything, say anything, or change anything about yourself to make Him look lovingly upon you. He is Father to all. He is Savior to anyone who asks. His Holy Spirit is available to help anyone who wants help and claims that Jesus is their Savior. Period! You see, it's not that God doesn't already understand everything about us. It's not as though He doesn't know what we think. He knows us. He knows our life. Whether you care to acknowledge Him or not,He knows you, everything about you, and He loves you right now. He desires to fill us with a kind of love that changes our perspective on almost everything. He simply requires that we come with open hands and open hearts to receive His love. That's it. The rest is up to you and Him to decide together.
As a member of the Christian church, I want to be clear: I don't hold any degree, award, or life-experience which allows me to judge any part of you or your life. Nor does any other person on this earth. God is the only One Holy enough to judge. And He chooses to love us anyway. He did that through Jesus. The only truth I know is that Jesus is all about love. You will never find a hateful word out of His mouth, you will never find an incident where He walked into the life of someone living in a way that was harmful to them and others where He embarrassed, or publicly humiliated anyone into following Him. He simply told people the truth about their own life, told them He could change them if they followed Him, then transformed what was so broken in them into something beautiful. This is all Jesus wants for any of us. He wants to show us His love. He wants to heal what is broken in us. He wants to meet us where we are, tell us the truth about what we already know but don't know how to let go of, and then show us a love that is completely free of anything foul.
Jesus would be in the hospital in Orlando, FL today, laying hands on those sick and wounded if He still walked upon the earth. The truth is, the Holy Spirit is praying for the entire LBGTQ community all over the world today through Christians all over the world. We stand with you and your families and seek an end to violence and hatred. We seek a truce and want you to know because Jesus loves you, we do too! We apologize for hateful remarks made by a misunderstanding Christian few who forgot about the love of Jesus and drew upon biblical stories meant to caution us as to sexual immorality of ALL kinds (my own included), and instead turned one story into a mantra meant to hurt you and cause a rift between us. God is love. God loves everyone. And that's who God is. He's not a Sunday school teacher, He's not a Choir Director, He's not a youth Pastor or a Missionary, He's not even a Pastor , Priest or Pope!!! God is God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. He began Creation in love, He sent Jesus to atone for the problem of human sin because He loves us, and He left the Holy Spirit to His believers so that we might truly know that amazing love and spread it to the furthest reaches of the earth. It's complex and it's simple: God is love.