Nirvana

What's wrong with us that we have to fight?
Why must you be wrong so I can be right?

Anti-this, Pro- that
Anti-hair, Pro- hat

What's it matter in the end
if we broke them or just made em bend

And who are "they" anyhow?
They're just us with another vow.

Is this the hill upon which we will die
Or can we join hands, you and I?

Agree to just love; not for our gain
Take off the gloves; dance in the rain.

I don't hate you; You think I'm alright
We can share a view of the stars at night...

Search the vast open and dream of a day
When all of our colors will melt into grey.

When you see me and I see you
And that is enough because love is the view.

Starting to sound like Andy Rooney

It seems like lately all I hear on the news, in the newspaper, online, on Facebook, Twitter, even from people on the street, is sensationalized, overzealous hype.  And I'm really tiring of it!  When did we decide that the squeaky wheel really should be oiled first?  Shouldn't we instead be listening to the quiet, smooth running wheel and find out what makes it work so well, thereby learning from it how best to handle the entire vehicle and only oiling the squeaky wheel if it's sound to begin with?!! 

I could truly care less if Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce after 72 hours of marriage.  I've never watched her show or any show featuring any member of her family.  In fact, the only member of her family I know anything about is Bruce Jenner and that dates back to his Olympic days.  Because that's when he did something worthy of knowing about.  Yet, for some reason, I DO know about Kim's fast divorce and I also know that one of her sisters has a large backside.  Why must I know this?  Seriously.

 I want to enjoy watching the news before starting the day and sometimes, right before bed at night.  But, trying to find a station that runs any stories that are worthy of that precious time are kind of hard to find these days.  So, I more often than not simply listen for the weather report and then go sit at the computer.

Once I hit the computer, I read personal emails from close friends and family.  These are almost always nice, quiet, reserved, and based in reality as it relates to us.  It's refreshing honesty.  I do not open Spams.  I pay my bills through email as well. 

Then, I check Facebook.  This is an interesting maze of characters, many of whom I haven't actually carried on a conversation with for 20+ years.  But, I do actually really enjoy seeing what people have done with their lives, their families, their interests, occupations, how we all look, etc...And it's fun to catch up with those who I was once close with, but haven't kept up with through the years.  Then there are those who I talk to quite a bit anyway (in reality) and we sort of ignore eachother on Facebook because we don't need it.  There are family members who post wonderful pics of kiddos throughout the years.  Those are fun too!  However, I also have the unfortunate quandry (as do all Facebook users) of being Facebook friends with people who actually offend me for one reason or another (and I'm not at all a prude).  Now, this is not to say I don't like them as people.  I actually do.  And I am one of those people who enjoys a good old fashioned roundtable to discuss topics that are controversial or even just interesting in our opposing ideas.  I believe all points of view are worthy of hearing and discussing rationally.  BUT, there are people who simply exhaust me with their need to throw out offensive statements just to be inflammatory.  And the frustrating thing is we cannot actually discuss it because through the written word, my tone cannot be heard, my eyes cannot be seen, and therefore anything I might disagree with will not be considered respectfully or in the vain it is offered.  So, silence once again becomes golden.  Inflammation of any subject has become the norm in our society perhaps.  But, I don't believe that regular everyday people like me really want it that way.

I have several shows on the television that I enjoy.  They're what I refer to as "my shows".  I've found that I can no longer stand to watch them at the time they're on because of the commercials for the shows I choose NOT to watch.  Regular commercials are bad enough, but reality television has ruined what was a time of losing myself in a good story and forgetting the worries of the day.  It's actually stressful to see these commercials about housewives who are the wealthy elite trying to literally fist fight with eachother, calling eachother names that I don't think I've ever said to another person (even when I was a teenager and totally obnoxious). My rashionale is "if it's too bad a word to utter on the tv screen (and must be bleeped out because even the people who write, produce, and pay for this trash don't think it's presentable), then it's probably not worthy of my time".  I can't stand the Intervention commercials because I feel oppressed by these people's lives who may or may not ever overcome their addictions.  Their families are at a loss as to how to live with them.  You are watching people whose lives are falling apart.  And don't get me started on the Hoarders Commercials:  that stresses me out and saddens me on a level I can't even put into words.  These are people who have depression and serious illnesses being displayed for us so that we might feel superior.  It's disgusting.  So, I've been forced to DVR all "my shows" and watch them a day late.  It works out just fine because I can forward through every commercial and save time (approximately 12 minutes on a half hour show, 23 minutes on an hour show).  But, it makes me wonder if I'm adding to the problem by allowing my experience to be one of hurriedness rather than relaxing and enjoying myself.  Hmmmm...

I've seen society become more and more like the media we surround ourselves with over the past several years.  And it scares and burdens me.  I want my grandkids to know the value of dinner time conversation: relaxed, enjoyed, and desired.  I want my children to know their neighbors and sit out on their porches, BBQ and share, speak kindly to others and expect others to speak in kind to them.  I want my son to know that when he is choosing a girlfriend, he should do so with the expectation of treating her with respect: the way he'd want a guy to treat his Mom and sisters.  I want my daughters to know that they do not have to be outwardly perfect and that it's attractive to be smart, funny, and to know how do things that are considered manly, but also ok to be girly.  I want them to know that they should choose men who think they are a prize worthy of respecting and fighting 1,000 armies just to have an evening to talk to them and get to know who they are.  I want our family to see people as they "might" be, rather than who they appear on the outside to be.  When we see someone who looks like they might be sketchy, I want the first thought in our minds to be "I wonder if that person needs help and how I might help them"?  This is a huge contradiction to the media norm which judges too fast, doesn't take time to get all the facts before throwing around conjectured statements and making them sound as if they're true.  We've ruined people's lives allowing this and it's simply not ok.

I could go on forever.  I am purposely not discussing politics and politicians because the corruption and hype is frankly just too obvious to comment on.  My point is this:  Let's change the way we view media.  Let's try to build one another up at every possible juncture.  Let's teach the networks, the news media, the people who don't know how to relax and enjoy a good day; that it's really ok to have a Beaver Cleaver moment once in a while.  Things can be good and that's newsworthy!  People can choose to NOT say cruelties, thereby appearing both intelligent and wise.  It will take a ground floor effort to see anything change.  I'm not advocating for "no cussing, only family shows" or even saying that we can't have some reality television and news reporting of dire, sad, but true events, confirmed and up to date.  I just don't think that we need to know every little scrutinized moment of ongoing investigations, who's cheating on their wife/husband now or twenty years ago, or that one of the Krdashian sisters has a big butt.  It's time to Occupy a tea party rally, hold up our signs, grab a soapbox, whatever works for you: and change this trend.  Come on peeps.  I know someone agrees with me...hmm?

Patricia Ann Blando

I had the honor of a lifetime a few months ago.  My sweet Mother-In-Law had been failing for many months and was obviously close to the end of her time here on earth.  She'd lived a beautiful, generous life with the rare quality of quietly communicating love and grace to those of us blessed enough to be called family to her.  This was no small feat considering she had nine children of her own (one of whom had died at the much too early age of 3), each of them married with kids.  There were 23 grandchildren and 13+ great grandchildren when Pat went to be with the Lord.  Our holidays were LOUD to say the least!  But, they will be a remembered and cherished memory for all of us forever.

So it was with great humility I accepted the gift of spending the night with my Mother in Law during what would be some of her final hours on this earth.  It had been a rarity through the years to grab 10 minutes alone with Pat anyway, so this was to be a treat for me.  She'd always been so kind, generous, so loving to me.  I wanted to try in the smallest way to give some of that back to her.  I wasn't really sure how to do this.  Pat was not an outwardly affectionate woman.  She was guarded in her affections, yet, we all understood that conversation and generostiy were her forms of affection to each of us.  So, at this time in her life, she needed a bit of conversation and generosity of spirit. 

 Now, this is funny if you know me well.  I married a man who has "the gift of gab" (and truly, this is an understatement of HUGE proportion).  Pat's entire family, like her own husband, have this gift of talk...they can talk your socks off and keep going until you're pretty sure the toenails on your feet are beginning to go as well.  So, as one might imagine, I am the quiet, mousy one in our family...I just enjoy peace and quiet.  Probably, I enjoy it more than I should if the truth were revealed.  So, my work was cut out for me to say the least.

Pat was extremely exhausted at this time and mostly wanted to sleep.  But, she was also experiencing discomfort and probably a bit of fear.  I believe she knew her time was limited on this earth.  As she was used to having her daughters there with her, it may have been confusing to see her daughter-in-law sitting by her bedside.  I decided to try to relieve her confusion by attending to her most basic of needs.  Pat was always a beautiful, stunningly smart woman!  Her home and her person were done with perfection and precision of detail.  She was and is my inspiration for my own home.  She had what you would call "style".  So, I decided I would try to see to it she looked beautiful.  I wiped her face, combed her hair, smiled at her and reminded her several times of her beauty and how very much she is loved here on earth by her family.  At one point, she indicated that her head itched and it was really bugging her.  I asked her if she wanted me to " scratch the itchiness away" and she began to laugh and smile for just a moment.  (I learned later from her son, Tom that was a game they used to play and they used similar wording.  Funny how God uses the most simplistic of things to give us comfort in our times of need.

As the night went on, it became more and more obvious that she was struggling and fighting to stay alive.  She awoke with what I would term as complete and utter fright and disillusion; she was so afraid and reached out for my hands.  I gave them to her and she pulled them so very tightly to her chest and looked into my eyes and seemed to see me in a new light and there was this connection of two souls unlike I've ever experienced before.  I spoke to her in that moment of how well she had loved her family.  I told her her legacy upon this earth would be one of loving grace and that for generations to come her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren would speak of her with love and admired remembrances.  I told her that Jesus loves her and that she would meet Him soon and be welcomed into His arms.  And I thanked her for being a woman I admired and loved so much and I promised to love her son and our children the rest of my days.  These were the most open and unguarded words I've ever spoken to anyone.  I don't know that I will ever have this kind of opportunity again with those I love.  How often can we truly say what we would want to say to those we love without there being discomfort on our part?  But, the cost of discomfort is worth the prize of truth.  I will look for these opportunities from here on out.  I don't want things to go unsaid between myself and those I care about.  I want to say "I'm sorry" to those I've hurt or wronged.  I want to say "I love you" to those who hold my heart.  And I want to take every opportunity to be there for those in need.  This is what life is about...Loving well and honestly.

I wrote a poem the night before Pat died and share it here in her honor.  I am truly blessed to have known this wonderful woman, as are all of us who knew her gaze.

In Honor of my Sweet and Wonderful Mother In Law:

This beautiful woman who I have known

From whom the seeds of true grace were sown

Is departing this world; but all of us still here

Trying to master our courage, sit quiet and near

We each have our memories and remembrances divine

Following are just a few of mine:

The first time I met her was the night I fell for her son

She welcomed me in, not knowing I’d be “the one”

I didn’t know her first, second, third, or the fourth

It was in the youngest son I found true love’s worth!

I was introduced around and the cat ran through the room

Her husband said “Here Christen” and sealed my blonde-headed doom

I found out several months later the cat’s name was not Christen

Even more importantly, I found out my boyfriends Mom was my friend.

Two years later we received news which left us confused

We talked to friends, we talked to each other, but all we felt was bruised

But when we spoke to his Mom, she made it all so clear

And so it was to follow wedding bells we began to hear.

Not so much later a little angel was born and permission was soon given

My husband wanted to name our little girl after the angelic little sister in Heaven

His Mother had promised that this name would be for his child

Only she could have imagined the joy this life would give; sending our hearts beating wild!

I think no grandmother in all of the world or throughout all of the ages

Could have loved with more genuine affection, each grandchild; her love was contagious!

How she’d lavish each one with hugs, kisses, and time: would know what each one liked to do

And this was no task for an average Grandmother, this Grandma was number one, not two!

At Christmas all 20 something of them would get their heart’s desire

Grandpa wasn’t happy about the checkbook at times, but Grandma had Jesus on hire

After all, it was Christ’s birthday and all must celebrate

And celebrate they did with each special set-up, their names on their toys set up behind the secret gate:

That special room upstairs where magical things were told

Only at Grandma’s house could this kind of magic unfold

We enjoyed many Thanksgivings with spaghetti, football, and noise

It would be so loud I thought I’d lose my mind; but she showed generosity and poise

She’d break out marshmallows on a fork; I had fears

But she’d say “Gather round me and I’ll light your mallows my dears”

Then she’d light another Camel and relax in the smoky haze

These were the greatest memories and some of my favorite days

As the years slipped on by and we all got a little older

Grandma and Grandpa sold that house and life got a little colder

It was sad to say goodbye to those years on Wyandotte

But the memories we stored in our hearts were enough to fill a huge plot

So we continued to build our relationships with one another

And the Grandparents loved their family more than any other

When years later it became time for Grandpa to be with God,

We received precious time with Grandma, until about a year later God again gave His nod

As we say our goodbye and remember this beautiful woman, we feel pain

But, with honor, love, and reverence we say her beautiful name

For Patricia Ann touched each life she knew with truth of the ages

And knowledge of a life lived with fullness and richness enough to fill books’ pages

We’ll miss you, Mom, forever, but acknowledge your Savior’s Arms

Which hold you now so safely, eternally unharmed

We love you most dearly and will cherish you forever

Thank you for all you are, Beloved  Mother.  Thank You God for giving us her.

~Love, Christen