I had the honor of a lifetime a few months ago. My sweet Mother-In-Law had been failing for many months and was obviously close to the end of her time here on earth. She'd lived a beautiful, generous life with the rare quality of quietly communicating love and grace to those of us blessed enough to be called family to her. This was no small feat considering she had nine children of her own (one of whom had died at the much too early age of 3), each of them married with kids. There were 23 grandchildren and 13+ great grandchildren when Pat went to be with the Lord. Our holidays were LOUD to say the least! But, they will be a remembered and cherished memory for all of us forever.
So it was with great humility I accepted the gift of spending the night with my Mother in Law during what would be some of her final hours on this earth. It had been a rarity through the years to grab 10 minutes alone with Pat anyway, so this was to be a treat for me. She'd always been so kind, generous, so loving to me. I wanted to try in the smallest way to give some of that back to her. I wasn't really sure how to do this. Pat was not an outwardly affectionate woman. She was guarded in her affections, yet, we all understood that conversation and generostiy were her forms of affection to each of us. So, at this time in her life, she needed a bit of conversation and generosity of spirit.
Now, this is funny if you know me well. I married a man who has "the gift of gab" (and truly, this is an understatement of HUGE proportion). Pat's entire family, like her own husband, have this gift of talk...they can talk your socks off and keep going until you're pretty sure the toenails on your feet are beginning to go as well. So, as one might imagine, I am the quiet, mousy one in our family...I just enjoy peace and quiet. Probably, I enjoy it more than I should if the truth were revealed. So, my work was cut out for me to say the least.
Pat was extremely exhausted at this time and mostly wanted to sleep. But, she was also experiencing discomfort and probably a bit of fear. I believe she knew her time was limited on this earth. As she was used to having her daughters there with her, it may have been confusing to see her daughter-in-law sitting by her bedside. I decided to try to relieve her confusion by attending to her most basic of needs. Pat was always a beautiful, stunningly smart woman! Her home and her person were done with perfection and precision of detail. She was and is my inspiration for my own home. She had what you would call "style". So, I decided I would try to see to it she looked beautiful. I wiped her face, combed her hair, smiled at her and reminded her several times of her beauty and how very much she is loved here on earth by her family. At one point, she indicated that her head itched and it was really bugging her. I asked her if she wanted me to " scratch the itchiness away" and she began to laugh and smile for just a moment. (I learned later from her son, Tom that was a game they used to play and they used similar wording. Funny how God uses the most simplistic of things to give us comfort in our times of need.
As the night went on, it became more and more obvious that she was struggling and fighting to stay alive. She awoke with what I would term as complete and utter fright and disillusion; she was so afraid and reached out for my hands. I gave them to her and she pulled them so very tightly to her chest and looked into my eyes and seemed to see me in a new light and there was this connection of two souls unlike I've ever experienced before. I spoke to her in that moment of how well she had loved her family. I told her her legacy upon this earth would be one of loving grace and that for generations to come her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren would speak of her with love and admired remembrances. I told her that Jesus loves her and that she would meet Him soon and be welcomed into His arms. And I thanked her for being a woman I admired and loved so much and I promised to love her son and our children the rest of my days. These were the most open and unguarded words I've ever spoken to anyone. I don't know that I will ever have this kind of opportunity again with those I love. How often can we truly say what we would want to say to those we love without there being discomfort on our part? But, the cost of discomfort is worth the prize of truth. I will look for these opportunities from here on out. I don't want things to go unsaid between myself and those I care about. I want to say "I'm sorry" to those I've hurt or wronged. I want to say "I love you" to those who hold my heart. And I want to take every opportunity to be there for those in need. This is what life is about...Loving well and honestly.
I wrote a poem the night before Pat died and share it here in her honor. I am truly blessed to have known this wonderful woman, as are all of us who knew her gaze.
In Honor of my Sweet and Wonderful Mother In Law:
This beautiful woman who I have known
From whom the seeds of true grace were sown
Is departing this world; but all of us still here
Trying to master our courage, sit quiet and near
We each have our memories and remembrances divine
Following are just a few of mine:
The first time I met her was the night I fell for her son
She welcomed me in, not knowing I’d be “the one”
I didn’t know her first, second, third, or the fourth
It was in the youngest son I found true love’s worth!
I was introduced around and the cat ran through the room
Her husband said “Here Christen” and sealed my blonde-headed doom
I found out several months later the cat’s name was not Christen
Even more importantly, I found out my boyfriends Mom was my friend.
Two years later we received news which left us confused
We talked to friends, we talked to each other, but all we felt was bruised
But when we spoke to his Mom, she made it all so clear
And so it was to follow wedding bells we began to hear.
Not so much later a little angel was born and permission was soon given
My husband wanted to name our little girl after the angelic little sister in Heaven
His Mother had promised that this name would be for his child
Only she could have imagined the joy this life would give; sending our hearts beating wild!
I think no grandmother in all of the world or throughout all of the ages
Could have loved with more genuine affection, each grandchild; her love was contagious!
How she’d lavish each one with hugs, kisses, and time: would know what each one liked to do
And this was no task for an average Grandmother, this Grandma was number one, not two!
At Christmas all 20 something of them would get their heart’s desire
Grandpa wasn’t happy about the checkbook at times, but Grandma had Jesus on hire
After all, it was Christ’s birthday and all must celebrate
And celebrate they did with each special set-up, their names on their toys set up behind the secret gate:
That special room upstairs where magical things were told
Only at Grandma’s house could this kind of magic unfold
We enjoyed many Thanksgivings with spaghetti, football, and noise
It would be so loud I thought I’d lose my mind; but she showed generosity and poise
She’d break out marshmallows on a fork; I had fears
But she’d say “Gather round me and I’ll light your mallows my dears”
Then she’d light another Camel and relax in the smoky haze
These were the greatest memories and some of my favorite days
As the years slipped on by and we all got a little older
Grandma and Grandpa sold that house and life got a little colder
It was sad to say goodbye to those years on Wyandotte
But the memories we stored in our hearts were enough to fill a huge plot
So we continued to build our relationships with one another
And the Grandparents loved their family more than any other
When years later it became time for Grandpa to be with God,
We received precious time with Grandma, until about a year later God again gave His nod
As we say our goodbye and remember this beautiful woman, we feel pain
But, with honor, love, and reverence we say her beautiful name
For Patricia Ann touched each life she knew with truth of the ages
And knowledge of a life lived with fullness and richness enough to fill books’ pages
We’ll miss you, Mom, forever, but acknowledge your Savior’s Arms
Which hold you now so safely, eternally unharmed
We love you most dearly and will cherish you forever
Thank you for all you are, Beloved Mother. Thank You God for giving us her.
~Love, Christen
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